i feel fat

alright so family party yesterday. did i refrain from food? no. my portions i tried to be smaller. and actually i did eat less then i normally would at a fam party. my aunt got skinnier. they all have skinny legs. i dont know how i got these thick thighs. my mom calls them gymnast thighs but i hate them. nastia luken doesnt have thighs like this. ugh. but ya so i ate two cupcakes last night for dessert. shit. then today i had a kellogs fiber bar for breakfast, yogurt for lunch, then we went to my uncles house on my dads side and had dinner. i had a large salad, a dinner roll, mashed potatos (small serving) a small serving of roast. and some ice cream and peach cobler. ya. i know. a lot of calories. i feel sick about it. then i watched a movie and had popcorn. and a cookie dough ball. im sooo scared to weigh myself.

im scared to see my friend friday that i havent seen since summer. i wont eat carbs or anything untill friday. i will have yogurt for lunch and fruit for snacks and veggies and lean chicken or something for dinner. i cant be fat when he comes. i need to loose at least a few pounds! im so scared. im desparate. im thinking i should do some detox? with a laxative tea? i know my one aunt does them all the time. and she has these juice drinks she has for like three days to detox. idk. whats the fastest way you guys loose weight? oh and im sick with a fricking cold so i cant really work out. it sucks. and im craving sugar soooo bad! ok on a good note i would like to promote an etsy shop. i love crocheted stuff and fell in love with this shop! and this clutch.









these pics just give me a good feeling. i love all her stuff. her shop can be found here
http://www.etsy.com/shop/ALTernativeCreations?ref=seller_info


ya still trying to focus on other things in life wrather then food. doesnt really work. but im still trying. much love xoxo

I can't sleep so I'll share a secret

Hi, Its my new goal to go to bed atthe same time every night so that I get a good routine and that I get more sleep! I was really tired all day but now that it comes to bed time I can't sleep. Crap!

Ok so this is my secret. I know of the best cheapest laxative out there and it tastes good, its not super uncomfortable coming out if u know what I mean, and people would think nothing of it if they saw it at ur house. U guys may know of this already, but I haven't heard much talk of it. I came apon it by accident but have used it afterwards for emergencies. Now I am not reccomending this by any means. I hope people don't consider my site a pro Mia sight because I would never promote Mia. I think it's an awful killing disease that strangles it's victims and I would never wish this hell upon anyone. But it's like if ur practicing Mia, it gonna do it anyways and if I can't say it to anyone, who can I tell? I'm just venting anyways.

Ok. Here's what I use as emergany laxatives- sugar free candy. I binged horribly today. After I had my eggs and beans and salsa I was craving something sweet. So I had a couple frosted mini wheats. Not bad. Butthen I had honey. Felt super guilty about that so then I had a huge bowl of rice with cheese and melted it with lots of salt and had chez mix wig melted peanut butter and sugar and chocolate mixed in and I forget what else I had then I purged it up. Then I was craving sugary coffee so I went to target and bout a cappicino and a choc chip cookie. That cookie was huge and so soft it was the best and only cookie I've had in a long time. Then I bought the sugar free candy bec I knew I was gonna have to use it and some other random stuff from target. Then I stopped at burger king and got some fries and a brownie Sunday. Ate that. Then had some popcorn. How guilty was I u ask?

Very guilty. So then I ate a whole package of sugar free candy. Wait a couple hours and it will go right through u. It used to be 20 min but now it goes through me slower. It could happen to everybody or jus me idk. But it sure as he'll works fore me. I get really gassy and bloated though just a warning. Oh and every time you (sorry if graphic) pass gas, you have to be careful bec u don't wNt to have an accident. Have any of u guys used sugar free candies before?

But anyways I'm gettin a little desperate to lose weight bec my friend is coming in one week. I'm so nervous! I'm gonna follow the strict diet of yogurt for lunch and fruits and veggies for din din. I need to loose weight pronto! I have a huge fan party tomorrow I hope I can resist all the desserts! Its gonna be so fricking hard! Wish me luck! If I resist the treats tomorrow, what should I reward myself with? I appreciate ur input everybody!

constant struggle but dealing with it

hey everyone! hope all is going well. have i told you guys about my love for etsy yet? im trying to distract myself of my e.d. by other things in life. etsy is one of them. i am like obsessed with homemade soaps and lotions that look and smell like sweets. heres some examples...



cake batter whipped soap! can be found here... http://www.etsy.com/shop/BungalowBathBody?ref=seller_info



ive actually boughten this buttercream body frosting and use it before bed. it helps me when i feel like eating junk. i cant eat it, but i can smell it!!!! http://www.etsy.com/shop/bubbletub?ref=seller_info

ill be putting new etsy things on here every once in a while. but ya.... im prolly gonna do something with my friends tonight. i am just so dog gone tired. i want to go to the gym but i dont seem to have the energy! i had coffee for breakfast this morning and was STARVING at like 2:00. then i had refried beans, egg whites, salsa and toast. i added up the calories and it ended up being like 549 cals. wtf. and im like still hungry! i want cereal! but im not gonna allow myself to have any. oh my god chocolate cake sounds so good! i think my body is rebelling against me and shooting me cravings that are extremely powerful. i just cant give in. i have to realize there are other things wayyy better then food. its hard to do though. im gonna have some tea and read my book and rest then hit the gym then hang out with my friends. my throat is sore from purging two days ago. i hope i dont get sick

oh i also need to manage my time better so i am going to the store to buy a daily planner. love those things! i also want to paint my finger and toe nails, clean my room, etc. wow im tired!!!!

xoxo gymnast

134.8!

I lost two pounds in one day! That's pretty impressive. Probably because I didn't eat anything but coffee, chili, and a piece of toast with peanut butter. My mom gave me crap about not eating that's why I ate the toast.

Today I was really hungry and I don't want my metabolism to slow down so I'm going by calorie counter today and not going over 1000. Then tomorrow I'll do sunshinechilds diet of yogurt for lunch and veggies and fruit for dinner. I haven't made coffee yet and am debating if I should make that or tea. I lovethem both! I think I'll have some English breakfast tea with skim milk and splenda. It's to die for!

I didn't go to the gym yesterday so I'm gonna go today and try to burn off all the calories I'll eat today. I'm so excited that the numbers are going down! My stomach looked really flat this morning. I'll post my weight tomorrow again!

136.8

Crap. Back to my old weight. My body does not want to give up 136.8. But I will make it. Damn numbers. I remember one time when I weighed 119 and after a fan party of eating I hoped on the scale and I was 135! I started crying. I then for like three days committed an was back down to 123. I don't know how the he'll I did that. Prolly very unhealthily. But ya anyways just thought I'd say that. Tomorrow I will weigh less. I promise. I'm excited for my yogurt for lunch. My coffee for breakfast was delicious. My dad made breakfast but I succeeded and didn't have anything but coffee. He made cheesy hashbrowns, toast, eggs etc. It looked so good. My dad is the best breakfast maker. But I didn't have any.

Oh and ps I'm adding metamucil to my diet to keep regular. Don't wanna get constipated. Oh and what all do u guys consider to be negative foods? I googled it but I wanna see what my girls have to say about it

my nails

ive been obsessed with keeping my nails nice and kinda long and keeping them painted! its a wonderful distraction to eating when your painting your nails. and theyre for some reason a huge confidence booster. and color is so beautiful. i love any color. thats my tip for the day. paint your nails.

as far as the diet goes, i followed it to a T! i worked out at the gym today after work and burned 400 calories on the elyptical. then did a ton of strength training. i swear my arms are getting bigger. ive always loved that "ripped" look, like super muscular, but i dont wanna get bigger. i want to have like 1% body fat and lean muscle that is obvious but not bulky. im gonna talk to one of the workers at the gym to make sure im not doing things that will bulk me up.

and im soo excited because i ordered new running shoes on ebay and they should be in the mail tomorrow! alright ive got some reading to do and then im going to bed.

remember all those times where i said i would weigh myself in the morning and never did? well im gonna make a confession. it was because i ate at night and was too afraid to weigh myself. this time i promise i wont eat and will actually post my weight lol.

love yal!
goodnight!
wan an (chinese)

xoxo
gymnast

following the plan

LOVE this diet plan! its my first day. im losing weight because i will see a friend on the 27th of jan and he hasnt seen me in forever and i need to be skinny like i was this summer. heres what i had so far
breakfast- coffee
lunch- chobani greek yogurt (lots of sugar :/) gotta find an unsweetened greek yogurt
snacks - apple, cutie clemontine,
dinner - squash and mixed veggies including green beans, carrots, peas, and corn.

im going to work today pretty soon. i hope theres no cake or anything there. there is always food in the staff room for us. i hate it! but at the same time i love it. its always such good food. but today i am going to stay good. i need to look good for the guy thats coming to visit!!! i already resisted a doughnut, sugary cereal, and a cake pops at my house. im strong today. i can do this. i havent gotten a chance to go to the gym yet, im hoping i can get there after work. i was so hungry today after lunch but i took a nap and slept it off. it was great. worked well. alright well my room is a mess and i gotta clean that up along with the kitchen. so i gotta go.

oh and as far as my weight i was afraid to weigh myself this morning due to the shit that happened yesterday. ill weigh myself tomorrow and let you know my stats!

shoutout to
MetalRoseThorn
Leigha
stillimagining
Alice
thrash_unreal

thank you for all of your comments and support. i love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xoxo
gymnast