My fat ass cow mom

I'd like to say that when I was my thinnest, my mom was at her heaviest. My mom used to be thin... Well she says she used to be thin. I say average size. Like size six. But now she's huge. Partly because of health problems and the medications she takes. Now don't ge me wrong, I love my mom and usually we get along pretty well. But sometimes she rubs me the wrong way. When she talks about food and calories I think she's a hypocrite. When I see her eat, it makes me not want to eat. I had two smoothies today and she said to me... "aren't u ever worried about the calorie content of those smoothies?" I of course hide my eating disorder with her but I said well they're all healthy calories so it doesnt bother me. Our bodies need fuel. Then she said something else I can't remember but made me wanna say SHUT UP!!!! Then also today she bought me nutella and said to me "be careful, this is extremely high calorie." now if she was skinny, I wouldnt think anythig about this. But the fact that she's a fat ass just infuriates me. Does she think that I'm fat? She also tells me "we need to eat more veggies. We gotta get our bikini bods for vacation. And so the fact that she says that makes me feel like she thinks I'm fat. People tell me all the time that I look great in a swimming suit. I've gained some weight since ive been doin gymnastics again but I'm pretty sure a lot of it is muscle. So why does she say the things she does? Reflecting on his makes me hate her and wish she was skinny. But if I really think about it it makes me loose weight so I hope I do.

I just remember one time when I was like fifteen or fourteen I was starting to work out and eat healthier. I noticed that my stomach was getting flatter and I said mom look! And I showed her. U know what that fat bitch said? "ya that's nice. U still got a long way to go though." I was embarrassed and upset and I couldn't believe my size 16+ mom was saying that to her size 3/5 daughter. I used o think of that a lot when I was Ana and lost all my weight. Ok bad I gained a lot of it back:( I wanna lose it all again and get that high!!!!!!