I can't post for long, I'll post all the details later but I thought I should let u know the latest of my situation! I made that guy a present and bought him something along with a sweet card and gave him a hug and apologized. He accepted and everything was totally fine after that. I hung out with him and some other people yesterday and then I hung out with him Solomon day today. He buys everyone breakfast lunch and dinner. He bought me three shirts and wanted to buy me boots but we didn't find any. Don't get me wrong every time we were shopping I tried to buy the things myself but he would just barge in and pay for it. He's the sweetest most generous guy I know. Glad were still friends. He's leaving monday and so I'm hanging out with him tomorrow too. Ive prolly gained a ton of weight from eating out so much but oh well I've been having fun and all my jeans still fit at least. Thank u girls for all ur loving support I love having you guys to talk to!!
Xoxo,
-gymnast
Self Discipline is Needed
This is beautiful
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Long time no see!!!!
Hello all my lovelies!!!!! Soooo sorry everyone for not posting in so long. U prolly thought I'd died off the face of the earth! So my friend from new york came Friday. He's staying till next Monday. Awkward thing just happened. I've been getting this vibe that he likes me more then a friend and he went to my gymnastics school that I work at and went to one of my adult classes then sat and watched me do stuff. Then when we were leaving in the parking lot I thought he went to whisper something in my ear but he gave me a kiss on the cheek. Not in a romantic way but like a ciao goodbye way. I totally thought it was the romantic way and it freaked me out and I ducked then said something awkward then ran into my car. He txtd me later and was like what the heck. He was mad at me bec I made him feel like a creep. It was so awkward and I made it awkward and I made him feel horrible I feel so bad I don't know what to do. Then we had this long txting conversation about me shutting down whenever a friendship goes from just friends to liking me more then friends I always get freaked out and shut down and ruin a friendship. Then he said he doesnt like me more then a friend. And I'm pretty sure I just ruinned our friendship here it's gonna be so awkward when I see him next. And he's like the nicest most generous loving coolest guy ever. Just not that cute. Does anyone else have that problem? I feel so alone right now. I binged and purged tonight after this happened bec I wanted to punish myself. Now I'm eating more crackers. Girls I feel like shit right now. I'm so socially exhausted and I just need to sleep in one day. I haven't slept in in over a month. I haven't had a day to myself in I can't remember how long. I just am tired. And embarrassed with this whole awkward friend thing. He bought me coffee this morning, the kind I always get. I thought that was a "I like u sign". But I guess it wasn't. Does this eve make sense girls?
I feel like going to sleep and never waking up
I feel like going to sleep and never waking up
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
succesful day and something that really helps!
today was successful. i woke up and wanted breakfast sooooo badly. but i had a waterbottle in the fridge and put crystal light 0 cal drink mix in there and had that for breakfast instead. its pretty filling actually! then for lunch i had coffee with creamer. my mom said "you havent eaten anything today" in a bitchy snotty way. and i said "yes i did" "what did you have?" (again bitchy. i swear shes jealous) "a protein meal replacement bar" i lied. i feel horrible lying to her but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. then i had diet creamed asparagus soup which was really nummy and salad with balsamic vinegar for dressing. ill put the asparagus recipe on my site soon theres no cream in it and its fabulous! then i had a wonderful dessert that i will post here
Take a GIANT Coffee mug. mine is as big as a bowl.
boil water
put the diet hot chocolate in the mug (25 cals)
pour just a tad of the hot water in and stir (this way it doesnt get lumpy on top)
when no more lumps, add the rest of the water
add 1 tsp of sugar free powderd coffee creamer so it doesnt taste so watered down (10 cals)
and ta da!!! very filling sweet dessert. i love it. def reccomend buying diet hot chocolate. its something i look foreward to in life.
so the things that really helps with weight loss? i always forget about this. WATER!!! CRYSTAL LIGHT!! (or generic stuff thats cheaper) SPARKLING WATER!! i myself am obsessed with the coconut flavored la croix water) and DIET HOT CHOCOLATE!!!
best stuff ever. it tastes like calorie free sex. on vacation. with suntan lotion on.
i didnt like this stuff at first. but its grown on me. if you prepare it like i said you wont get the lumps. once you get used to it it becomes the bomb.
so ya... thats about it. since i did good today i will weigh myself tommrow and let you know where im at. im hoping its not dissapointing bec after the party my wieght was really high. stupid metabolism. wish me luck!!!!! oh and btw, im feeling much better. i was sick before but im better now :D
Take a GIANT Coffee mug. mine is as big as a bowl.
boil water
put the diet hot chocolate in the mug (25 cals)
pour just a tad of the hot water in and stir (this way it doesnt get lumpy on top)
when no more lumps, add the rest of the water
add 1 tsp of sugar free powderd coffee creamer so it doesnt taste so watered down (10 cals)
and ta da!!! very filling sweet dessert. i love it. def reccomend buying diet hot chocolate. its something i look foreward to in life.
so the things that really helps with weight loss? i always forget about this. WATER!!! CRYSTAL LIGHT!! (or generic stuff thats cheaper) SPARKLING WATER!! i myself am obsessed with the coconut flavored la croix water) and DIET HOT CHOCOLATE!!!
best stuff ever. it tastes like calorie free sex. on vacation. with suntan lotion on.
i didnt like this stuff at first. but its grown on me. if you prepare it like i said you wont get the lumps. once you get used to it it becomes the bomb.
so ya... thats about it. since i did good today i will weigh myself tommrow and let you know where im at. im hoping its not dissapointing bec after the party my wieght was really high. stupid metabolism. wish me luck!!!!! oh and btw, im feeling much better. i was sick before but im better now :D
Sunday, January 22, 2012
i feel fat
alright so family party yesterday. did i refrain from food? no. my portions i tried to be smaller. and actually i did eat less then i normally would at a fam party. my aunt got skinnier. they all have skinny legs. i dont know how i got these thick thighs. my mom calls them gymnast thighs but i hate them. nastia luken doesnt have thighs like this. ugh. but ya so i ate two cupcakes last night for dessert. shit. then today i had a kellogs fiber bar for breakfast, yogurt for lunch, then we went to my uncles house on my dads side and had dinner. i had a large salad, a dinner roll, mashed potatos (small serving) a small serving of roast. and some ice cream and peach cobler. ya. i know. a lot of calories. i feel sick about it. then i watched a movie and had popcorn. and a cookie dough ball. im sooo scared to weigh myself.
im scared to see my friend friday that i havent seen since summer. i wont eat carbs or anything untill friday. i will have yogurt for lunch and fruit for snacks and veggies and lean chicken or something for dinner. i cant be fat when he comes. i need to loose at least a few pounds! im so scared. im desparate. im thinking i should do some detox? with a laxative tea? i know my one aunt does them all the time. and she has these juice drinks she has for like three days to detox. idk. whats the fastest way you guys loose weight? oh and im sick with a fricking cold so i cant really work out. it sucks. and im craving sugar soooo bad! ok on a good note i would like to promote an etsy shop. i love crocheted stuff and fell in love with this shop! and this clutch.
these pics just give me a good feeling. i love all her stuff. her shop can be found here
http://www.etsy.com/shop/ALTernativeCreations?ref=seller_info
ya still trying to focus on other things in life wrather then food. doesnt really work. but im still trying. much love xoxo
im scared to see my friend friday that i havent seen since summer. i wont eat carbs or anything untill friday. i will have yogurt for lunch and fruit for snacks and veggies and lean chicken or something for dinner. i cant be fat when he comes. i need to loose at least a few pounds! im so scared. im desparate. im thinking i should do some detox? with a laxative tea? i know my one aunt does them all the time. and she has these juice drinks she has for like three days to detox. idk. whats the fastest way you guys loose weight? oh and im sick with a fricking cold so i cant really work out. it sucks. and im craving sugar soooo bad! ok on a good note i would like to promote an etsy shop. i love crocheted stuff and fell in love with this shop! and this clutch.
these pics just give me a good feeling. i love all her stuff. her shop can be found here
http://www.etsy.com/shop/ALTernativeCreations?ref=seller_info
ya still trying to focus on other things in life wrather then food. doesnt really work. but im still trying. much love xoxo
Friday, January 20, 2012
I can't sleep so I'll share a secret
Hi, Its my new goal to go to bed atthe same time every night so that I get a good routine and that I get more sleep! I was really tired all day but now that it comes to bed time I can't sleep. Crap!
Ok so this is my secret. I know of the best cheapest laxative out there and it tastes good, its not super uncomfortable coming out if u know what I mean, and people would think nothing of it if they saw it at ur house. U guys may know of this already, but I haven't heard much talk of it. I came apon it by accident but have used it afterwards for emergencies. Now I am not reccomending this by any means. I hope people don't consider my site a pro Mia sight because I would never promote Mia. I think it's an awful killing disease that strangles it's victims and I would never wish this hell upon anyone. But it's like if ur practicing Mia, it gonna do it anyways and if I can't say it to anyone, who can I tell? I'm just venting anyways.
Ok. Here's what I use as emergany laxatives- sugar free candy. I binged horribly today. After I had my eggs and beans and salsa I was craving something sweet. So I had a couple frosted mini wheats. Not bad. Butthen I had honey. Felt super guilty about that so then I had a huge bowl of rice with cheese and melted it with lots of salt and had chez mix wig melted peanut butter and sugar and chocolate mixed in and I forget what else I had then I purged it up. Then I was craving sugary coffee so I went to target and bout a cappicino and a choc chip cookie. That cookie was huge and so soft it was the best and only cookie I've had in a long time. Then I bought the sugar free candy bec I knew I was gonna have to use it and some other random stuff from target. Then I stopped at burger king and got some fries and a brownie Sunday. Ate that. Then had some popcorn. How guilty was I u ask?
Very guilty. So then I ate a whole package of sugar free candy. Wait a couple hours and it will go right through u. It used to be 20 min but now it goes through me slower. It could happen to everybody or jus me idk. But it sure as he'll works fore me. I get really gassy and bloated though just a warning. Oh and every time you (sorry if graphic) pass gas, you have to be careful bec u don't wNt to have an accident. Have any of u guys used sugar free candies before?
But anyways I'm gettin a little desperate to lose weight bec my friend is coming in one week. I'm so nervous! I'm gonna follow the strict diet of yogurt for lunch and fruits and veggies for din din. I need to loose weight pronto! I have a huge fan party tomorrow I hope I can resist all the desserts! Its gonna be so fricking hard! Wish me luck! If I resist the treats tomorrow, what should I reward myself with? I appreciate ur input everybody!
Ok so this is my secret. I know of the best cheapest laxative out there and it tastes good, its not super uncomfortable coming out if u know what I mean, and people would think nothing of it if they saw it at ur house. U guys may know of this already, but I haven't heard much talk of it. I came apon it by accident but have used it afterwards for emergencies. Now I am not reccomending this by any means. I hope people don't consider my site a pro Mia sight because I would never promote Mia. I think it's an awful killing disease that strangles it's victims and I would never wish this hell upon anyone. But it's like if ur practicing Mia, it gonna do it anyways and if I can't say it to anyone, who can I tell? I'm just venting anyways.
Ok. Here's what I use as emergany laxatives- sugar free candy. I binged horribly today. After I had my eggs and beans and salsa I was craving something sweet. So I had a couple frosted mini wheats. Not bad. Butthen I had honey. Felt super guilty about that so then I had a huge bowl of rice with cheese and melted it with lots of salt and had chez mix wig melted peanut butter and sugar and chocolate mixed in and I forget what else I had then I purged it up. Then I was craving sugary coffee so I went to target and bout a cappicino and a choc chip cookie. That cookie was huge and so soft it was the best and only cookie I've had in a long time. Then I bought the sugar free candy bec I knew I was gonna have to use it and some other random stuff from target. Then I stopped at burger king and got some fries and a brownie Sunday. Ate that. Then had some popcorn. How guilty was I u ask?
Very guilty. So then I ate a whole package of sugar free candy. Wait a couple hours and it will go right through u. It used to be 20 min but now it goes through me slower. It could happen to everybody or jus me idk. But it sure as he'll works fore me. I get really gassy and bloated though just a warning. Oh and every time you (sorry if graphic) pass gas, you have to be careful bec u don't wNt to have an accident. Have any of u guys used sugar free candies before?
But anyways I'm gettin a little desperate to lose weight bec my friend is coming in one week. I'm so nervous! I'm gonna follow the strict diet of yogurt for lunch and fruits and veggies for din din. I need to loose weight pronto! I have a huge fan party tomorrow I hope I can resist all the desserts! Its gonna be so fricking hard! Wish me luck! If I resist the treats tomorrow, what should I reward myself with? I appreciate ur input everybody!
constant struggle but dealing with it
hey everyone! hope all is going well. have i told you guys about my love for etsy yet? im trying to distract myself of my e.d. by other things in life. etsy is one of them. i am like obsessed with homemade soaps and lotions that look and smell like sweets. heres some examples...
cake batter whipped soap! can be found here... http://www.etsy.com/shop/BungalowBathBody?ref=seller_info
ive actually boughten this buttercream body frosting and use it before bed. it helps me when i feel like eating junk. i cant eat it, but i can smell it!!!! http://www.etsy.com/shop/bubbletub?ref=seller_info
ill be putting new etsy things on here every once in a while. but ya.... im prolly gonna do something with my friends tonight. i am just so dog gone tired. i want to go to the gym but i dont seem to have the energy! i had coffee for breakfast this morning and was STARVING at like 2:00. then i had refried beans, egg whites, salsa and toast. i added up the calories and it ended up being like 549 cals. wtf. and im like still hungry! i want cereal! but im not gonna allow myself to have any. oh my god chocolate cake sounds so good! i think my body is rebelling against me and shooting me cravings that are extremely powerful. i just cant give in. i have to realize there are other things wayyy better then food. its hard to do though. im gonna have some tea and read my book and rest then hit the gym then hang out with my friends. my throat is sore from purging two days ago. i hope i dont get sick
oh i also need to manage my time better so i am going to the store to buy a daily planner. love those things! i also want to paint my finger and toe nails, clean my room, etc. wow im tired!!!!
xoxo gymnast
cake batter whipped soap! can be found here... http://www.etsy.com/shop/BungalowBathBody?ref=seller_info
ive actually boughten this buttercream body frosting and use it before bed. it helps me when i feel like eating junk. i cant eat it, but i can smell it!!!! http://www.etsy.com/shop/bubbletub?ref=seller_info
ill be putting new etsy things on here every once in a while. but ya.... im prolly gonna do something with my friends tonight. i am just so dog gone tired. i want to go to the gym but i dont seem to have the energy! i had coffee for breakfast this morning and was STARVING at like 2:00. then i had refried beans, egg whites, salsa and toast. i added up the calories and it ended up being like 549 cals. wtf. and im like still hungry! i want cereal! but im not gonna allow myself to have any. oh my god chocolate cake sounds so good! i think my body is rebelling against me and shooting me cravings that are extremely powerful. i just cant give in. i have to realize there are other things wayyy better then food. its hard to do though. im gonna have some tea and read my book and rest then hit the gym then hang out with my friends. my throat is sore from purging two days ago. i hope i dont get sick
oh i also need to manage my time better so i am going to the store to buy a daily planner. love those things! i also want to paint my finger and toe nails, clean my room, etc. wow im tired!!!!
xoxo gymnast
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
134.8!
I lost two pounds in one day! That's pretty impressive. Probably because I didn't eat anything but coffee, chili, and a piece of toast with peanut butter. My mom gave me crap about not eating that's why I ate the toast.
Today I was really hungry and I don't want my metabolism to slow down so I'm going by calorie counter today and not going over 1000. Then tomorrow I'll do sunshinechilds diet of yogurt for lunch and veggies and fruit for dinner. I haven't made coffee yet and am debating if I should make that or tea. I lovethem both! I think I'll have some English breakfast tea with skim milk and splenda. It's to die for!
I didn't go to the gym yesterday so I'm gonna go today and try to burn off all the calories I'll eat today. I'm so excited that the numbers are going down! My stomach looked really flat this morning. I'll post my weight tomorrow again!
Today I was really hungry and I don't want my metabolism to slow down so I'm going by calorie counter today and not going over 1000. Then tomorrow I'll do sunshinechilds diet of yogurt for lunch and veggies and fruit for dinner. I haven't made coffee yet and am debating if I should make that or tea. I lovethem both! I think I'll have some English breakfast tea with skim milk and splenda. It's to die for!
I didn't go to the gym yesterday so I'm gonna go today and try to burn off all the calories I'll eat today. I'm so excited that the numbers are going down! My stomach looked really flat this morning. I'll post my weight tomorrow again!
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