alright so i said in my last post that its never too late to start your day over? well guess what? after i "started it over" it was AWESOME!! i got a gym membership!!! it was actually a really good deal not expensive at all because they were having a deal. i worked out and it felt amazing! totally endorphans running through my body. then i came home and ate veggies and some beans and diet hot chocolate. really hungry now, but im gonna have some diet ginger ale and water and watch a movie. i also cleaned my house, my room, wrote a paper for work that was hanging over my head, and did everything on my to do list. i LOVE TODAY! and my parents werent here to ask anything of me. i love life. :D im gonna be going to the gym everyday. and the gym is 24 hours!!! yippeee! and its really really close to my house. like a mile.
love life!
xoxo
gymnastskinny
Self Discipline is Needed
This is beautiful
Thursday, December 29, 2011
oh my god
ok first lets talk about what happened last night. my best friend is getting married. theres so much shit with this wedding it drives me insane. first of all, her fiance is my ex boyfriend. we were seriously in love. he would tell me he loves me all the time. hes the sweetest guy and we pictured ourselves being married in a few years. then we called it off for a break bec we were too young for such a serious commitment. and he lives far away. and we were too busy with work and stuff to hang out all the time. so then before i know it i find out that my bff likes him. then i see that when i see my guy at social parties, he ignors me, talks to her, then leaves early. i wasnt actually that close to my bff at the time. (weve been friends for YEARS, but off and on bec sometimes we butt heads.) so then she tells me that they like eachother. and that theyre starting to date. i play it like... oh okay thats fine if you want my sloppy seconds go ahead. but thats not really how i felt.
most of you would say "drop that bitch! you dont need her as a friend! bla bla bla." and you know what i did do that for a while, but i really do love the girl. ive grown up with her and she is so much fun. i get her. and shes gone through a LOT. lets just say that. so idk i could never not have her as a friend.
i know ill get over this eventually, but the wedding thing is really hard, and i think she knows it but is so mad at me for not being super excited for her. i was gonna be the maid of honor, she told me i was gonna be it. but then she gave the position to one of her other bridesmaids because she was "doing more for the wedding" but get this... she wasnt even fucking engaged yet when she switched me from being the maid of honor to the other bridesmaid being the made of honor. idk girls im just so pissed off on many levels for more reasons then what ive said just now.
sorry for that rambling. but anyways.....
so last night we basically were preparing the bachelorette night for this girl. it sounds super fun actually. and i am excited for the party. we were planning it before the bride to be came. then she comes over, shes lost weight recently.. boo. were all swimming in the pool and theyre all talking about their gym memberships and theyre favorite classes they like to go to. i felt totally out of the loop because im the only one without a gym membership because i cant afford one. oh might i add that this bride to be is soooooooooooooooooooooooo spoiled because her family has money and her parents give her whatever she wants? theyre buying her a house for a wedding present with all stainless steal appliances. wtf
ok so they were all skinny and athletic looking and when i went to the bathroom i looked at myself in the mirror. i looked so wierd. you could see my ribs when i slightly suck in. (which i always do anyways) but even though you could see my ribs, there was like flab to my stomach. it looked unhealthy. i dont know how to fix that. i looked really ugly. so i was kinda depressed after that night because the bride to be was making me feel bad because i didnt know much of the wedding plans, i havent hung out with her in a while and i just didnt feel in the loop. so when i left the party i went to a 24 hour grocery store and bought 20$ worth of bing food. horrible i know. it took me three binges and purges and one this morning to get rid of all that poison. i feel horrible.
BUT in a way im happy that its behind me. i got it out of my system. now im just gonna be pure and not eat anything more. im gonna have a to do list and do it all. today is me day and im going to get all that i need done.
ITS NEVER TOOO LATE TO START YOUR DAY OVER!!!!!
oh and im gonna post my goals on here and skinny recipes and all that:D hope your all having a wonderful day as i will.
huge shout out to stillimagining, metalrosethorn, K, starving angel, thrash, leigha, and all my other followers and those who read my blog. I LOVE YOU!!!!!
most of you would say "drop that bitch! you dont need her as a friend! bla bla bla." and you know what i did do that for a while, but i really do love the girl. ive grown up with her and she is so much fun. i get her. and shes gone through a LOT. lets just say that. so idk i could never not have her as a friend.
i know ill get over this eventually, but the wedding thing is really hard, and i think she knows it but is so mad at me for not being super excited for her. i was gonna be the maid of honor, she told me i was gonna be it. but then she gave the position to one of her other bridesmaids because she was "doing more for the wedding" but get this... she wasnt even fucking engaged yet when she switched me from being the maid of honor to the other bridesmaid being the made of honor. idk girls im just so pissed off on many levels for more reasons then what ive said just now.
sorry for that rambling. but anyways.....
so last night we basically were preparing the bachelorette night for this girl. it sounds super fun actually. and i am excited for the party. we were planning it before the bride to be came. then she comes over, shes lost weight recently.. boo. were all swimming in the pool and theyre all talking about their gym memberships and theyre favorite classes they like to go to. i felt totally out of the loop because im the only one without a gym membership because i cant afford one. oh might i add that this bride to be is soooooooooooooooooooooooo spoiled because her family has money and her parents give her whatever she wants? theyre buying her a house for a wedding present with all stainless steal appliances. wtf
ok so they were all skinny and athletic looking and when i went to the bathroom i looked at myself in the mirror. i looked so wierd. you could see my ribs when i slightly suck in. (which i always do anyways) but even though you could see my ribs, there was like flab to my stomach. it looked unhealthy. i dont know how to fix that. i looked really ugly. so i was kinda depressed after that night because the bride to be was making me feel bad because i didnt know much of the wedding plans, i havent hung out with her in a while and i just didnt feel in the loop. so when i left the party i went to a 24 hour grocery store and bought 20$ worth of bing food. horrible i know. it took me three binges and purges and one this morning to get rid of all that poison. i feel horrible.
BUT in a way im happy that its behind me. i got it out of my system. now im just gonna be pure and not eat anything more. im gonna have a to do list and do it all. today is me day and im going to get all that i need done.
ITS NEVER TOOO LATE TO START YOUR DAY OVER!!!!!
oh and im gonna post my goals on here and skinny recipes and all that:D hope your all having a wonderful day as i will.
huge shout out to stillimagining, metalrosethorn, K, starving angel, thrash, leigha, and all my other followers and those who read my blog. I LOVE YOU!!!!!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
soo excited! continued...
ok sorry that i didnt finish and sorry about the delay... but ok other reasons why im happy... its my parents anniversary and they just left to go away up north to a cabin!!! for like 5 days!!!!!!!! i get the house to myself so i get to eat (or not eat for that matter) whatever the hell i want!!! yayy! im planning on losing as much weight as i can while theyre gone.
im going to a girls night out tonight and she asked me to bring dessert. so the brownies are baking in the oven... hope theres none left over that i have to bring home. if so, im automatically binging and purging. fuck. oh well. ill make it go all out of me. so part of me being home alone is kinda freaking me out. one time i housesat and everyday was a binging frendzy. i hope that doesnt happen this time. this blog is definately helping though. ill post every time i feel like eating:D guy from new york is coming next month to visit and i wanna look nice and skinny when he comes because when he saw me this summer i was nice and skinny. like 125 pounds. not as skinny as id like, but for sure skinnyer then i am now. idk why ive gained weight, i just think my metabolism is so fucked up from my eating disorder that whenever i eat food it clings on to the calories and stores it for when i fast again. it sucks. wouldnt reccomend this disorder to anyone. but anywayys........... im gonna work out like crazy tomorrow and tonight after the party and on friday and sat and sunday and eat as little as possible ill let you know how much weight ive lost since theyve been gone. i reallly hope i dont fuck up tonight and eat too much.
p.s. for all you followers that i adore so much....? how do you guys feel about 0 cal sweeteners? i like overdosed on them yesterday and had the WORST stomach ache and got so much gas and bloated i was like wtf. it was miserable. do you guys eat them/use them? have you ever had that before? im curious. alright im gonna go get ready for the party.. wish me luck! love you all!
xoxo
-gymnastskinny
im going to a girls night out tonight and she asked me to bring dessert. so the brownies are baking in the oven... hope theres none left over that i have to bring home. if so, im automatically binging and purging. fuck. oh well. ill make it go all out of me. so part of me being home alone is kinda freaking me out. one time i housesat and everyday was a binging frendzy. i hope that doesnt happen this time. this blog is definately helping though. ill post every time i feel like eating:D guy from new york is coming next month to visit and i wanna look nice and skinny when he comes because when he saw me this summer i was nice and skinny. like 125 pounds. not as skinny as id like, but for sure skinnyer then i am now. idk why ive gained weight, i just think my metabolism is so fucked up from my eating disorder that whenever i eat food it clings on to the calories and stores it for when i fast again. it sucks. wouldnt reccomend this disorder to anyone. but anywayys........... im gonna work out like crazy tomorrow and tonight after the party and on friday and sat and sunday and eat as little as possible ill let you know how much weight ive lost since theyve been gone. i reallly hope i dont fuck up tonight and eat too much.
p.s. for all you followers that i adore so much....? how do you guys feel about 0 cal sweeteners? i like overdosed on them yesterday and had the WORST stomach ache and got so much gas and bloated i was like wtf. it was miserable. do you guys eat them/use them? have you ever had that before? im curious. alright im gonna go get ready for the party.. wish me luck! love you all!
xoxo
-gymnastskinny
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
soo excited!
hello everyone! im in a very good mood. for multiple reasons. first reason is that i discovered a new show. it distracts me and motivates me to not eat. in a sick way. its called starving in secrecy or something like that and its on lifetime. its all about bulimics and annorexia. ironically, i love reading books about my own disorder or watching shows about it. i dont know why but its some sort of therapy. the bulimic storys scare the shit out of me. theyre talking about how this one girl tore her esophegus and if she kept going on like she was, she was only gonna have a few more months to live. that freaked me out. but anyways, that show helps me and kinda motivates me to be a healthy ana. if thats possible.
another reason why im in a good mood is because yesterday for dinner i had a salad. then today i woke up and made coffee with my sugar free peppermint mocha creamer :D mmmmm. then for lunch i went out with my mom and just had smoothie. she gave me crap about it but i told her it was a little too early for lunch for me. then we ran errands, came home and she had a snack and she said you must be hungry. i said i was alittle and pretended to look through the cubbords for a snack. shes so busy and stuff she didnt notice that i didnt grab anything. now im sipping my green tea. my mom loves to monitor what i eat. shes such a fat bitch and i know shes jealous of how fast i can loose weight if i want to. she also asked me if i was on a diet as i was sipping my lemon water. here she comes im gonna post rest later
another reason why im in a good mood is because yesterday for dinner i had a salad. then today i woke up and made coffee with my sugar free peppermint mocha creamer :D mmmmm. then for lunch i went out with my mom and just had smoothie. she gave me crap about it but i told her it was a little too early for lunch for me. then we ran errands, came home and she had a snack and she said you must be hungry. i said i was alittle and pretended to look through the cubbords for a snack. shes so busy and stuff she didnt notice that i didnt grab anything. now im sipping my green tea. my mom loves to monitor what i eat. shes such a fat bitch and i know shes jealous of how fast i can loose weight if i want to. she also asked me if i was on a diet as i was sipping my lemon water. here she comes im gonna post rest later
Friday, December 23, 2011
well whatdya know
well whatdya know my bitch skinny friend canceled our plans on me. so she could hang out with her shit boyfriend. i went shopping today and as soon as i found out she canceled on my i bought to very expensive cupcakes. i dont know why the hell i did that. i should have at least gone the cheap route. i saved them for when i went home. came home, binged on dinner and when my parents left, ate the cupcakes. then purged. when they came home they brought back cheesecake for me and i ate it. wtf. i hate this. friday night with no plans. i was with my family and i know that this is what christmas is all about, but still. its like my friends dont wanna hang out with me anymore because they all have boyfriends now. its hard not to feel sorry for myself when i dont have plans on a friday night. i miss when i would work friday nights with guy number two. we would have so much fun.
:( anyways......................
dont know what else to say. as soon as i publish this post, then i think of something else i would have liked to put in it. oh well. love you all everybody! stay strong
:( anyways......................
dont know what else to say. as soon as i publish this post, then i think of something else i would have liked to put in it. oh well. love you all everybody! stay strong
my day off!
normally id be working at this time. but because of christmas i have the day off. my parents still had to go to work so i have the house to myself. i forgot what it feels like to sleep in! it feels amazing. and then i eat breakfast at like lunchtime! how cool is that??? i think the hcg drops might be working... i dont have a huge appetite which is good. i might go rockclimbing tonight if my friend doesnt bale on me. if she does im gonna shop thrift stores. i love vintage clothes and i always find cool stuff there! etsy is like my love! if you havent heard of it you have to go to http://www.etsy.com/?ref=si_home and just buzz around. ill tell you bout some of my favorite shops on there later! have a wonderful christmas everybody i know everyones getting ready for that!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
It came! It came! It finally came!!!!!!!!!
Yayy I got the mail yesterday morning and it finally came! What came u may ask?? Good question. My moms friend lost a ton of weight doing the hcg drops and so did this other girl that I know. So I googled it and ordered it online. They finally arived yesterday. So today is daytwo of using them. They definatly help with my appetite during the day but at nigh I still have my urge to binge and purge. After work today (I quit at 9:30) I ran through the mcdonalds, then the gas station and got doughnuts, cookies, cheesy puffcorn and milk. Ate it all then purged. Remember when I told u that after I purge I get hungry and wanna eat again? Ya so then after I purged tonight I ate a whole wheat bun with butter and sal, sick I know. And two veggie sausages with cheese and catsup and sugar free hot chocolate. I'm super full now.
Work is going good, it was the last day till winter break. I'm gonna miss work. I'm gonna miss seeing guy number two. I love him so much. We get along sooooooo good but I think hes justgood with people and make everyone feel that way. I wonder if he feels that we have chemistry like I do. I hope he feels the same way as I do. My co workers invited me to go clubbing with them and he's gonna go and wants me To go. I've never gone clubbing before! I dont know if I should go or not. I just want him to ask me out again. And I want to love him and for him to love me back. But anyways I hope these drops and the diet with 500 cals a day works and that I can stick with it! Wish me luck! I love all my followers! Leigha girl love u!
Work is going good, it was the last day till winter break. I'm gonna miss work. I'm gonna miss seeing guy number two. I love him so much. We get along sooooooo good but I think hes justgood with people and make everyone feel that way. I wonder if he feels that we have chemistry like I do. I hope he feels the same way as I do. My co workers invited me to go clubbing with them and he's gonna go and wants me To go. I've never gone clubbing before! I dont know if I should go or not. I just want him to ask me out again. And I want to love him and for him to love me back. But anyways I hope these drops and the diet with 500 cals a day works and that I can stick with it! Wish me luck! I love all my followers! Leigha girl love u!
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