Self Discipline is Needed

Self Discipline is Needed
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Thursday, February 2, 2012

Long time no see!!!!

Hello all my lovelies!!!!! Soooo sorry everyone for not posting in so long. U prolly thought I'd died off the face of the earth! So my friend from new york came Friday. He's staying till next Monday. Awkward thing just happened. I've been getting this vibe that he likes me more then a friend and he went to my gymnastics school that I work at and went to one of my adult classes then sat and watched me do stuff. Then when we were leaving in the parking lot I thought he went to whisper something in my ear but he gave me a kiss on the cheek. Not in a romantic way but like a ciao goodbye way. I totally thought it was the romantic way and it freaked me out and I ducked then said something awkward then ran into my car. He txtd me later and was like what the heck. He was mad at me bec I made him feel like a creep. It was so awkward and I made it awkward and I made him feel horrible I feel so bad I don't know what to do. Then we had this long txting conversation about me shutting down whenever a friendship goes from just friends to liking me more then friends I always get freaked out and shut down and ruin a friendship. Then he said he doesnt like me more then a friend. And I'm pretty sure I just ruinned our friendship here it's gonna be so awkward when I see him next. And he's like the nicest most generous loving coolest guy ever. Just not that cute. Does anyone else have that problem? I feel so alone right now. I binged and purged tonight after this happened bec I wanted to punish myself. Now I'm eating more crackers. Girls I feel like shit right now. I'm so socially exhausted and I just need to sleep in one day. I haven't slept in in over a month. I haven't had a day to myself in I can't remember how long. I just am tired. And embarrassed with this whole awkward friend thing. He bought me coffee this morning, the kind I always get. I thought that was a "I like u sign". But I guess it wasn't. Does this eve make sense girls?
I feel like going to sleep and never waking up

6 comments:

  1. He just told me I'm a little full of myself and he could give me examples but doesn't want to. He's the one that has been sending me gifts like chocolate covered strawberries on the mail. My god! He also said he's beginning to want to cancel our plans tomorrow. Little does he know that I'm the most self conscious person I know. I wanna die right now

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  2. ohmygosh im so sorry! its not ur fault dear! Pls dnt feel bad, honestly any girl would have felt awkwarded out etc. so pls dont blame urself! He sounds kind of bipolar to me honestly, no offense. But talk it out w/ him some more, be honest & just say tht ur really sorry & that u rly appreciated the friendship & dnt want to lose it. tht u dnt mean to come off as "full of urself" bt ur sry it appears that way. maybe write it out in an email so u can properly state ur feelings instead of in little interrupted fragments (ie text). Trust me, its not the end of the world, it will get better:) if he's a real genuine friend who truly cares abt u then something like this wudn't ruin everything. Stay strong<3

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  3. Guys can lead people on without even trying, hun <3
    Don't be upset, everyone makes mistakes. Just tell him "oh, I'm sorry." and be sincere! try to make thing normal, if you feel awkward try to block the feelings out.
    Good luck <3 you guys CAN return to a normal friendship.

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  4. Honestly, sweetheart, I think he DOES like you as more than a friend and is just trying to bluff and say hat YOUR full of yourself so he doesn't look stupid.

    Hello, I have some AMAZING BEST GUY FRIENDS and they certainly ain't sending me choco covered strawberries in the mail.

    I call him trying to play it off.

    xoxoxo
    thrash

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  5. Thanks girls for ur speedy reply. This whole thug has like ruined my week. He doesn't want to hang out with me anymore. He said he's dissaponted and wierded out. He said he does good things to all good people. Every time we went out to eat at places and stuff he paid for me and others. Just a really nice guy and I feel like crap. He just told me this is the reason why I don't normally hang out with 18 yr olds

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  6. I'm gonna see him tonight. Wish me luck!

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