Hello all my lovelies!!!!! Soooo sorry everyone for not posting in so long. U prolly thought I'd died off the face of the earth! So my friend from new york came Friday. He's staying till next Monday. Awkward thing just happened. I've been getting this vibe that he likes me more then a friend and he went to my gymnastics school that I work at and went to one of my adult classes then sat and watched me do stuff. Then when we were leaving in the parking lot I thought he went to whisper something in my ear but he gave me a kiss on the cheek. Not in a romantic way but like a ciao goodbye way. I totally thought it was the romantic way and it freaked me out and I ducked then said something awkward then ran into my car. He txtd me later and was like what the heck. He was mad at me bec I made him feel like a creep. It was so awkward and I made it awkward and I made him feel horrible I feel so bad I don't know what to do. Then we had this long txting conversation about me shutting down whenever a friendship goes from just friends to liking me more then friends I always get freaked out and shut down and ruin a friendship. Then he said he doesnt like me more then a friend. And I'm pretty sure I just ruinned our friendship here it's gonna be so awkward when I see him next. And he's like the nicest most generous loving coolest guy ever. Just not that cute. Does anyone else have that problem? I feel so alone right now. I binged and purged tonight after this happened bec I wanted to punish myself. Now I'm eating more crackers. Girls I feel like shit right now. I'm so socially exhausted and I just need to sleep in one day. I haven't slept in in over a month. I haven't had a day to myself in I can't remember how long. I just am tired. And embarrassed with this whole awkward friend thing. He bought me coffee this morning, the kind I always get. I thought that was a "I like u sign". But I guess it wasn't. Does this eve make sense girls?
I feel like going to sleep and never waking up
