i feel fat

alright so family party yesterday. did i refrain from food? no. my portions i tried to be smaller. and actually i did eat less then i normally would at a fam party. my aunt got skinnier. they all have skinny legs. i dont know how i got these thick thighs. my mom calls them gymnast thighs but i hate them. nastia luken doesnt have thighs like this. ugh. but ya so i ate two cupcakes last night for dessert. shit. then today i had a kellogs fiber bar for breakfast, yogurt for lunch, then we went to my uncles house on my dads side and had dinner. i had a large salad, a dinner roll, mashed potatos (small serving) a small serving of roast. and some ice cream and peach cobler. ya. i know. a lot of calories. i feel sick about it. then i watched a movie and had popcorn. and a cookie dough ball. im sooo scared to weigh myself.

im scared to see my friend friday that i havent seen since summer. i wont eat carbs or anything untill friday. i will have yogurt for lunch and fruit for snacks and veggies and lean chicken or something for dinner. i cant be fat when he comes. i need to loose at least a few pounds! im so scared. im desparate. im thinking i should do some detox? with a laxative tea? i know my one aunt does them all the time. and she has these juice drinks she has for like three days to detox. idk. whats the fastest way you guys loose weight? oh and im sick with a fricking cold so i cant really work out. it sucks. and im craving sugar soooo bad! ok on a good note i would like to promote an etsy shop. i love crocheted stuff and fell in love with this shop! and this clutch.









these pics just give me a good feeling. i love all her stuff. her shop can be found here
http://www.etsy.com/shop/ALTernativeCreations?ref=seller_info


ya still trying to focus on other things in life wrather then food. doesnt really work. but im still trying. much love xoxo