normal friends eat
normal friends want you to eat too.
normal friends make me gain weight.
why do people like me feel so fat when im really not?
why do people like me go from feeling skinny to feeling fat in just one day?
why can people like me change theyre viewpoint of themselves in less then 3 hours?
why can't i be normal?
i love doing laundry.
i love cleaning toilets
i love mopping floors.
i love vaccuming
i love purifying the world around me because i sure as hell can not purify my mind body and soul.
even though i would like to.
i have mixed emotions right now.
i dont know if i am happy or sad.
my parents come home tomorrow night.
the house will be spotless.
this is a really wierd post i know.
thank god i have you guys who actually understand me. i wish i could surround myself with people who dont eat. my life would be so much easier.
even though im not that skinny, i am so sensitive to the cold. when i open the refridgerator door, it sinks right through to my insides and irritates me. i hate the cold. im drinking my bangle spice tea tonight and going to bed on an empty tummy. i got my period this morning so that would explain why i was so hungry yesterday. i cheated yesterday. heres what happened...
i took laxatives sat night bec i wasnt 133.8 pounds anymore.
i was sooooo sick at like 3 in the morning. i took way too many lax pills and took them with milk bec its supposed to intensify them. i was soooooo sick. im not even going to tell you what happened bec im too embarrassed to say. i missed church at 9:30 and everyone was wondering why i was gone. so i told them i had the flu. then i had to tell my friend (or boyfriend...?) who lives in NY that i was sick. i was talking to him at like 5:00 pm.
"so have you eaten anything today?" he asked, concerned. he loves me so much, hes so concerned about my welfare.
"no, im scared to eat anything. im afraid i will throw up. i still get waves of nausea." that wasnt a lie. the lax pills were still working and made me have waves of nausea.
"well thats not good. you need to eat something."
"ya, maybe ill have some soup or something."
"im sending over a care package. if the door rings, answer it."
i was kinda thinking he was kidding. but with him, you never know.
"i'll be fine" i replied. "please dont send anything over."
an hour my doorbell rings. i put my large white robe on. pushing my barking dog away, i open the door to reveal the sunshine from outside.
"i didn't order any food..." i say, squinting my eyes.
but it was from him. my (boyfriend?) from new york had sent me food. a delicious hot and toasted pesto meaty sandwich and a cesar salad. i ate all of it. it was amazing. the best sandwich ive probably ever had. he lives 2000 miles away from me yet still manages to take care of me when im sick.
so thats why i cheated. i couldnt throw that food away. hes way too nice of a guy to just waste all of that effort. he is so sweet. so ya. now i got my period... i feel fat... and idk what im thinking. but ya. lol.
special thanks to
i am still doing the abc diet! havent been so hot lately, but i am resuming day nine on tuesday :)
well i take a diet pill that has caffein in it and that always helps with my energy :) sometimes i just for get to take it :/ and ya i got the message today even though im not 134 anymore.... i hope i am tomorrow morning when i weigh myself!!!
Anonymous
i miss your gorgeous face even more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and extra special thanks to
marilee.
your always there for me. i thank you for that. you have no idea how much you help me.
and extra special thanks to
marilee.
your always there for me. i thank you for that. you have no idea how much you help me.
