I can't sleep so I'll share a secret

Hi, Its my new goal to go to bed atthe same time every night so that I get a good routine and that I get more sleep! I was really tired all day but now that it comes to bed time I can't sleep. Crap!

Ok so this is my secret. I know of the best cheapest laxative out there and it tastes good, its not super uncomfortable coming out if u know what I mean, and people would think nothing of it if they saw it at ur house. U guys may know of this already, but I haven't heard much talk of it. I came apon it by accident but have used it afterwards for emergencies. Now I am not reccomending this by any means. I hope people don't consider my site a pro Mia sight because I would never promote Mia. I think it's an awful killing disease that strangles it's victims and I would never wish this hell upon anyone. But it's like if ur practicing Mia, it gonna do it anyways and if I can't say it to anyone, who can I tell? I'm just venting anyways.

Ok. Here's what I use as emergany laxatives- sugar free candy. I binged horribly today. After I had my eggs and beans and salsa I was craving something sweet. So I had a couple frosted mini wheats. Not bad. Butthen I had honey. Felt super guilty about that so then I had a huge bowl of rice with cheese and melted it with lots of salt and had chez mix wig melted peanut butter and sugar and chocolate mixed in and I forget what else I had then I purged it up. Then I was craving sugary coffee so I went to target and bout a cappicino and a choc chip cookie. That cookie was huge and so soft it was the best and only cookie I've had in a long time. Then I bought the sugar free candy bec I knew I was gonna have to use it and some other random stuff from target. Then I stopped at burger king and got some fries and a brownie Sunday. Ate that. Then had some popcorn. How guilty was I u ask?

Very guilty. So then I ate a whole package of sugar free candy. Wait a couple hours and it will go right through u. It used to be 20 min but now it goes through me slower. It could happen to everybody or jus me idk. But it sure as he'll works fore me. I get really gassy and bloated though just a warning. Oh and every time you (sorry if graphic) pass gas, you have to be careful bec u don't wNt to have an accident. Have any of u guys used sugar free candies before?

But anyways I'm gettin a little desperate to lose weight bec my friend is coming in one week. I'm so nervous! I'm gonna follow the strict diet of yogurt for lunch and fruits and veggies for din din. I need to loose weight pronto! I have a huge fan party tomorrow I hope I can resist all the desserts! Its gonna be so fricking hard! Wish me luck! If I resist the treats tomorrow, what should I reward myself with? I appreciate ur input everybody!

constant struggle but dealing with it

hey everyone! hope all is going well. have i told you guys about my love for etsy yet? im trying to distract myself of my e.d. by other things in life. etsy is one of them. i am like obsessed with homemade soaps and lotions that look and smell like sweets. heres some examples...



cake batter whipped soap! can be found here... http://www.etsy.com/shop/BungalowBathBody?ref=seller_info



ive actually boughten this buttercream body frosting and use it before bed. it helps me when i feel like eating junk. i cant eat it, but i can smell it!!!! http://www.etsy.com/shop/bubbletub?ref=seller_info

ill be putting new etsy things on here every once in a while. but ya.... im prolly gonna do something with my friends tonight. i am just so dog gone tired. i want to go to the gym but i dont seem to have the energy! i had coffee for breakfast this morning and was STARVING at like 2:00. then i had refried beans, egg whites, salsa and toast. i added up the calories and it ended up being like 549 cals. wtf. and im like still hungry! i want cereal! but im not gonna allow myself to have any. oh my god chocolate cake sounds so good! i think my body is rebelling against me and shooting me cravings that are extremely powerful. i just cant give in. i have to realize there are other things wayyy better then food. its hard to do though. im gonna have some tea and read my book and rest then hit the gym then hang out with my friends. my throat is sore from purging two days ago. i hope i dont get sick

oh i also need to manage my time better so i am going to the store to buy a daily planner. love those things! i also want to paint my finger and toe nails, clean my room, etc. wow im tired!!!!

xoxo gymnast