I'm getting there. Why does everythi have to be a constant struggle? Why do I assume that everyone who is skinny suffers the same disease I do? I secretly think about all my friends having eating disorders just like me and that one day well all tell each other. Why is it every night after work I eather dont eat any dinner or I'm running errands to the gas station before I go home to buy binge food for after my late night dinner? Why is it all or nothing? Why do I think that everything will be perfect when I'm skinny even though I know darn well that it won't be? Am I just playing games with myself? Why the hell am I doing this? How the hell did I get bulimia? How did I get here? Am I a perfectionist? OCD? Manic depressive? It frightens me to think about all this.
Sometimes I think with our disorders we don't take a step back and breath and think from the outside in. Were always inside our little disorder and have no idea why we have it or how it got here or howto fix it. We don't want to step outside the box. Outside the box is scary. Inside is safe, playful, routine. There is a fine line between pleasure and pain and we love to test the boundarys.
Do u guys agree with me? I just needed to type something so sorry if that didn't make sense or if u don't agree with what I said. Anyways... I've been working a crazy amount this week. I'm gonna get a ton of money!!!! But seriously workingtoo much sucks I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. But on sat I have fun things Planed with my friends and Sunday I'm going snowboardig!!! I'm gonna do attempt number two of the Victorias secre. Diet... I have all I need for my egg white protein shakes!!! Wooten woot
