binging on girl scout cookies in front of the computer, i was miserable yesterday. miserable but also happy that i can be home alone and do whatever the hell i want, with no parents involved. as i was secretly enjoying myself with my treats that i would soon purge, my phone buzzed.
"wanna hang out tonight?" text message from clare. hanging out with somebody was the last thing i felt like doing. but i figured it would be good for me.
"sure!" i texted back, starting to eat faster. "what time?" we had made arrangements for 7:00 at my place to just hang out in the hot tub and watch a movie. this was, I'll admit a good excuse to clean the house and get rid of my binge evidence. i quickly finished my binge and cleaned the house. vaccumed, dishes, cleaned up everything and made everything look presentable. the house looked perfect in less then 2 hours.
Clare barged right in without even knocking. ive known this girl for like 5 years. she is one of my best friends and is one of my "trigger friends" that i told you about. (when i was really close to her i was reallly skinny barely eating anything and exercising. hanging out with her reminds me to be like that again so its kinda nice.)
"Helllllooooo my dear!" she sang in a high pitched voice, as she threw her bags in the mudroom. I ran down the steps and gave her skinny body an aggressive hug. she was dressed in a striped hoodie sweatshirt that was tight on her thin toned arms, grey sweat shorts that came to her knees, and above the knee socks that also had stripes. the stripes didnt match, yet it somehow looked fine on her. Clare's platinum blonde thick hair sat in a loose bun at the top of her head.
"you want to go to the gym instead?" she asked, making her eyebrows jump. working out was the last thing i wanted to do. i had already binged and purged twice that day and was exausted. my lack of enthusiasm obviously showed on my face.
"cmon!! it will be fun! well just fool around. like shoot some hoops and lift weights or something."
i thought about it. whenever im with clare i do have a blast. and somehow she always manages to make me forget how tired i am. I knew i would have a good time.
"alright." i sighed. "lets do it" i replied, a smile sneaking across my mouth.
we had a wonderful time at the gym. i laughed soo hard because she is absolutely hilarious. shes got a great bod, one that im jealous of. i used to think i looked pretty good looking at the reflections of the mirror in the gym. but last night i compared myself to her and she is so much smaller then me. i need to get going again with restricting.
but yes i had a great workout. after words she was hungry annd we stopped at taco bell. i had a chicken quesidilla and a crunchy taco and so did she. little did she know that as soon as i got home and she left, i puked it all up along with some other food i had binged on after she left. im a mess. but oh well at least i had fun yesterday and got reminded i need to work harder.
New news!!! my parents have been gone on vacation since last monday and they were going to come home in two days. but they might stay longer till sunday!!!!! thats one more week for me to be by myself and restrict! i have the whole house to myself for even more time! i hope it works out. :)
I love working out!!!!!!!!!!! i want to look like the girls above!!!
special thanks to...
its amazing how much we all have in common. i love you guys.
