I'm getting there. Why does everythi have to be a constant struggle? Why do I assume that everyone who is skinny suffers the same disease I do? I secretly think about all my friends having eating disorders just like me and that one day well all tell each other. Why is it every night after work I eather dont eat any dinner or I'm running errands to the gas station before I go home to buy binge food for after my late night dinner? Why is it all or nothing? Why do I think that everything will be perfect when I'm skinny even though I know darn well that it won't be? Am I just playing games with myself? Why the hell am I doing this? How the hell did I get bulimia? How did I get here? Am I a perfectionist? OCD? Manic depressive? It frightens me to think about all this.
Sometimes I think with our disorders we don't take a step back and breath and think from the outside in. Were always inside our little disorder and have no idea why we have it or how it got here or howto fix it. We don't want to step outside the box. Outside the box is scary. Inside is safe, playful, routine. There is a fine line between pleasure and pain and we love to test the boundarys.
Do u guys agree with me? I just needed to type something so sorry if that didn't make sense or if u don't agree with what I said. Anyways... I've been working a crazy amount this week. I'm gonna get a ton of money!!!! But seriously workingtoo much sucks I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. But on sat I have fun things Planed with my friends and Sunday I'm going snowboardig!!! I'm gonna do attempt number two of the Victorias secre. Diet... I have all I need for my egg white protein shakes!!! Wooten woot
trust me i know exactly what ur talking abt...even at the gym today i was wondering which of the girls had EDs and that because theyre exercising they must be trying to get skinny and hence they must have EDs as well lol. I just dnt understand how ppl r able to diet "normally". Same here w/ the all or nothing mentality, which ive been trying to ease up a bit on and its helping. so when i slip up a little i always look on the brighter side and adjust my plan accordingly....anyway, good job on making all that $! Have lots of fun w ur friends! & omg i am sooooo jealous! Seriously ive been wanting to go snowboarding since FOREVER. so LUCKKY!!! Good luck w/ the VS diet! U can do it! Stay strong<3
ReplyDeleteAmen. I think that same way. And Im pretty sure a couple of my good friends are like in the same boat. But there just not as committed to it. And I think that a lot of girls go though this but they just stop and get lazy after a while. Idk sorry if I sound like a crazy person but anyways have a good weekend! Haha sounds like fun. :)
ReplyDelete<3
I look at every single skinny girl that walks by me and I wonder if they have an ED, too.
ReplyDeleteAnd that I could move in with another person with an ED, does anyone else want that?
I dunno.
Good luck on your diet<3