back from vaca. and sorry for being boring

heyyy! im back from my trip. it was wonderful. just what the doctor ordered. i did a whole lot of nothing except for drink diet coke and malibou in the sun, read, and go out to eat :(. but i didnt gain any weight, in fact i lost a couple pounds. probably due to purging a lot. but ya the girl i went with is really fat, and her fam is fat and this other couple is kinda fat so i was the skinniest one. it made me feel kinda good.


when i was laying in the sun reading, i was loving all the books i was reading. novels are so wonderful, they put you in a great mood and play a movie in your head. i was thinking it would be so fun to be a writer. im going to put it into practice with my blogs. no more boring posts like : "i did horrible today, ate so much", or "yay i lost 2 pounds". im going to describe my life to you, like a novel. it will be fun and hopefully theraputic.

here it goes

The big shiny black subherban dropped me off at my dark and lonely house. my parents had just left for california the day i get home from my vacation. i knew i was coming home to an empty house. "bye everyone! thank you so much for a wonderful vacation and for taking care of me!" i shot them a smile, often practiced, usually fake.

in my head i was planning on the binge i was going to do when i was alone. i hadent binged in 8 days and was longing for one. i ran inside, let me dog out, and raided the cupboards, fridge, and freezer. nothing binge worthy.

"dang!" i whispered. after letting the dog in i grabbed my car keys.

"im just going to run to the store real quick honey. ill be back before you know it"
i patted my dogs head as he gave me the sad eyes. i couldnt help but feel bad as i closed the garage doors. i hadnt seen my dog in more then a week yet i treated him like shit when i had food on the brain.

at the grocery store i got two pint sized specialty ice creams. the expensive kind. i didnt care. a very small round cake with chocolate ganache layers and whipped cream cheese icing was screaming my name. i threw that in the cart along with a package of 6 bakery style old fashioned chocolate glazed donuts.

"this should be enough" i said to myself as i glanced around making sure no one saw me. i purchased my poison and ran to my car. the rest was history. the rest was a blur.

while driving i ripped open the donut package and started embracing my tastebuds with the crunchy, soft, chocolatey adiction. it was amazing. i ate 4 of them before i reached the driveway. once home i grabbed milk and a spoon and brought everything downstairs. i turned the tv on, but didnt bother to watch it. i got really full after half the cake and 4 of the donuts. too full for ice cream. i went over to the toilet, bent over while standing on my feet, and shoved my fingers wayy down my thoat. i have purging down to a science. it came right up. i drank some water, washed my hands and face, and got back to town on my expensive ice creams. i ate both pints. but slower this time. i made sure to enjoy every bite. i even gave some to my doggy. he loves ice cream.

after the two pints i finished off the donuts and ate some more cake. i puked again. then after watching tv and texting my guy friends, i saw a comercial on tv about some restaurant and i was hungry again. all i had eaten today i had thrown up. the advertisment reminded me that its normal for people to eat. sso i went upstairs, had some crackers and cheese and cottage cheese and special k cereal. threw that up. went to bed.

woke up, had breakfast, cereal, felt guilty, ate chocolate and threw that up. weighed myself. two less pounds since before vacation. yay. i have a headache. made coffee. not much better. thats where i am right now. i hate this bulimia business. i cant do this anymore. its not what its cracked up  to be.



im going to be home alone for a whole week. i hope i can eat only fruits and veggies and low cal healthy stuff and go to the gym every day. i need to lose more weight. hope you guys like my new literacy style of my blog. hope its not so boring. i will get better at it i promise!


dont know who these girls are but i love their stomachs