sister stared, not saying anything.
"i thought you were done with this. you told me you dont do this anymore" mom was obviously furious. i still didnt know what she had found from my sisters car.
"i am done with that stuff. that was from a long time ago. i dont even know where you found that from."
"bullshit" mom cried instantly. sister was a great lier, lies came so easy to her and mom knew that. "you think god will bless you when you pull crap like this and abuse your body? I am so mad at you. you know better then that. i thought you had changed."
i found out later that my sister had laxatives in her car. i knew what laxatives did, but i had no idea that people used them to lose weight. I was about 8 years old during this account. i still remember it clear as day. i found out later that my sister had bulimia. she has never been skinny, but always chubby or obese. she obviously didnt lose weight from bulimia. people say that if a family member has had an eating disorder you are way more likely to get one yourself. well, my mother once confessed to me that she used to throw up after her meals too when she was a teenager, but she "grew out of it."
no one grows out of an eating disorder. maybe thats why shes so fat today. i think its wierd that out of a family of 4, 3 of us have eating disorders. can i say disfunctional?
well, each time i think of a flash back like this one, i am going to record it here. i hope it helps me forget about it.
special thanks to
stillimagining
carousel
Fragile Heart
WeWillChange
Merilee!
Alice
i love you all and you keep me going. thank you. much love
your blog is super awesome now with the new writing style. pleaseeeee keep it up!!!!!
ReplyDeletexoxo thrash
thank you so much sweetheart! your the best! hows life for you?
DeleteUgh that stuff is tough. I know my sister is a MAJOR trigger for me- and she has no idea. I feel SO self-conscious around her because we have such similar body types but she lost a bunch of weight recently and got down to 20lbs less than me- I was soooo upset. And now we're probably about even again (I've lost, she's gained), but getting around her and talking about food/exercise is a major major trigger for me. It actually triggered the last 2 1/2 months of my disorder- I was doing really well too :/
ReplyDeletei think it only makes sense that when someone in ur family whose older/ has an effect on ur eating habits/ the way u look at urself has an ED tht it will affect u...regardless its rly good tht ur trying to forget these things & let out ur emotions!
ReplyDeletebtw. LOVE the thinspo<3
I can relate to you on having family members who also coincidentally have issues with food and weight. I'd say that every one of my female relatives has an eating disorder of some form. Part of it is the social pressure, and I'm sure another is that we're all just genetically predisposed to depression/anxiety which plays a huge part in all of it. You're right that you can't just "grow out" of something like this. It's easy to be in denial, but it's much more difficult to overcome the feelings that underlie the disorder.
ReplyDeleteMy flashbacks of my sister are like this too. She had bulimia/anorexia until she passed out in college and my family staged an intervention. I was about 7 or 8 as well. Now she's addicted to exercise and weight loss, and I am strangely like her even though I say I'm not. Anyway, stay strong!
ReplyDeleteAll my support,
<3 A Fragile Heart