"yeah" i replied. it was all i could think to say
"so are we considering this dating? its all up to you if you want to or not"
i could tell he wants to date me and have me be his girlfrriend. i am scared.
"ya maybe we shouldnt talk and text as much" i snapped. kicking myself for saying it.
secretly i do like him. i like him a lot. i may even love him. but i am so scared that once i tell him i like him more then a friend that it will change our relationship. that it would go from fun to serious. i dont want serious. im scared of not liking him anymore as soon as we become a couple. im scared of him getting close to me. im scared of him finding out about my bulimia and eating disorder. im scared that i wont find him physically attractive. is it sad that i dont find him physically attractive at all? i saw a pic of him from two years ago and he was cute then, but now, hes kinda chubby and his hair is thin on top. how important is physical attraction? how important is it when every other aspect of him is divine? he would be the best boyfriend in the world. he lives in a different state, i rarely see him. im scared of hurting his feelings. im scared of hurting him.
hes upset. i know he didnt get the answer he wanted from me. i dont know what to say to make him feel better. he is the nicest guy i know and i dont want to ruin it. what shall i do?
i know that binging on pizza and cottage cheese with maple syrup and cookies isnt the right thing and wont make anything better so why the hell did i just do that 20 min ago? now i gotta purge it up and its gonna feel like hell. esp pizza. and i gotta go to work soon. theres a kreepy guy in my stretching class. like 40 yrs old and he txts me. wtf. i hate my life. i hate guys. but yet i love this one... dont know if its real love but i picture myself with him all the time.
special thanks to...
Gun_Metal_Barbie - id love to exchange tips and stuff with you. id love to be ur weight loss partner! email me please!!!! gymnastskinny@hotmail.com
Alice - thanks for the complement and yes gum always helps me when i feel like resisting. your a doll. i love you alice
Leigha ive missed you like no other. ur the best coolest ever. and as far as me losing weight, i had gained the weight before, so losing it was like going back to normal. ugh
loveylou your so sweet! no that is not me in the pic. i have hair like hers, but my legs are much thicker "gymnast thighs" ugh i hate my thighs. but yes thanks for that confidence booster it meant so much to me.
Sophie my dear it sounds like you and i share the same nightmare. its horrible and even though its sucking the life out of us im glad we have eachothers support and my dream is for all of us to be thin and without an e.d. hell. thanks for your support much love.
WeWillChange
Zasha thank you for your insightful tips you are such a good person and so sweet. unfortunately my binges arent just at night. its like whenever i eat, it turns into a binge. i think i need therapy. but too poor to afford it. but anyways people like you make me want to try harder to recover. thank you so much for your support.
p.s. sorry for some of the graphic sad pics. its just fitting for this post's mood. there will be happier pics next time i promise.
Hey babydoll, its Leigha (on ma phoneee so no accout going on here yet haha) anyways, awhhhh I looove you too <3 I always look forward to hearing from you :)
ReplyDeleteif you think this boy is awesome, try it out...but talk to him first and say that if anything happens, nothing changes and you go back to friends.
To answer your question on my blog, yes, he does like me. We used to be best friends... Then we dated for 5 years. We made that same promise I told you to make, and then we broke up. But we remained best friends. And you're right, he's super sweet and who knows, you might see us back together in the future :).
That being said, if you're not physically attracted, you can't force it. You could grow to be that way but you might not. I've seen both sides of that knife. Its up to you what you want to do but sometimes the ones we love but aren't physically attracted to turn out to be the best of friends (my bff is a guy who I LOVE to death, but I couldn't date, he tried but I'm not physically attracted to him, but that doesn't mean I don't love him :).
I know its confusing babe, but you just have to listen to your heart <3 know I rambled there, but hopefully you can make some sense of it :)
Love you!
I've never been mentioned before so thank you, first of all <3
ReplyDeleteToday was just a really unpleasant day and this along with the comment on my recent post has brought my mood back up(:
And the binging.... you need to find it in yourself to stop. but talking about it can help you, I'm always here if you need to talk or want to email me (Everythingtochange@gmail.com)
The physical attraction I can't help you with. I'm sorry things are looking down for you right now :/
Stay strong and you'll pull through!